Jillian McCabe
Courtesy: KIRO-TV
Courtesy: KIRO-TV
“I’m trying to hold it together,” Jillian said in a YouTube video
that was posted on her Facebook page but has since been taken down.
“It’s really hard. I’m losing it a lot.”
On Monday evening, the 34-year-old mother walked onto the Yaquina Bay
Bridge in Oregon carrying her son, police say, and threw him into the
frigid water.
“I just threw my son over the Yaquina Bay Bridge,” Jillian McCabe
told a 911 dispatcher, according to a probable cause affidavit.
His name is London, she said, and then she began describing her boy
in detail, including the clothing he was wearing, according to the
document. She gave his date of birth, her name and date of birth. She
described herself. At the end of the call, she said there was a police
officer standing with her on the bridge. According to the affidavit,
several officers said they heard her saying she’d thrown her son off the
bridge.
On Tuesday, McCabe appeared via videoconference in Lincoln County
court. She was charged with murder and manslaughter and did not enter a
plea.
Her next hearing is next Wednesday. A judge set her bail at $1
million. CNN has left phone and email messages with her attorneys and
has not received a response.
A troubled mother?
In the YouTube video, Jillian McCabe said she thought about pulling a
“Thelma and Louise,” referring to the movie about two women who drive
off a cliff to escape their problems.
Her brother-in-law Andrew McCabe told NBC News that she had been
“hearing voices” and was supposed to see a doctor to adjust her
medication on Tuesday — the day after London died. NBC also reported
that relatives say McCabe endured mental illness for two years and
buckled under the weight of caring for her son and her husband.
“We learned just yesterday that Monday morning Jillian expressed to
her counselor that she was hearing voices again,” Andrew McCabe told
NBC. “The counselor suggested that her medication needed adjusting and
set an appointment with a doctor, for the next day.”
He said that Jillian McCabe sought but did not get services that she needed, and she tried to kill herself numerous times.
CNN cannot independently confirm what the family has told NBC.
‘Mr. Doom & Mrs. Doom’
In her archived blog, posts describe what it was like to raise
London. One post praises a teacher and therapists who helped the boy in
2012 make strides like washing his hands and drinking out of a cup
without a lid.
An October 25, 2011, post called “Mr. Doom & Mrs. Doom” reads:
“Mr. Doom and I are parents of a non-verbal child with severe Autism who
has seizures. We live, breathe and see a world that is different than
yours. The word ‘Autism’ is sure to be a powerful repellant to any of
your party guests; all of our conversations will surely be awkward ones
and will include things like sensory tools, therapy sessions and
weighted blankets.”
Another post says: “I think the parents of Autistic children often
stick together: Matt and I isolate ourselves a lot and stick together.
We can’t really explain accurately to others our experiences. I think
the worst thing that Matt and I are going through as parents is the
comparison to other children in our family and in our lives. We can’t
help but to compare London and all it does is tear us up inside, but it
is like something we cannot control.”
“Family gatherings are hard,” she wrote. “It is sad when the other
children are running and playing together or when they are being held
and engaged by other adults; London just sits alone in his own world.
Christmas is particularly heart breaking because he doesn’t understand
that you need to open a present to find a treasure inside, nor does he
understand the treasure. It’s hard to watch other children rip open
their presents excitedly while London sits near his still wrapped gift.
“We feel awkward because London is acting awkward and everyone else
in the room senses the awkwardness. We in turn feel bad for creating a
scene or ruining someone else’s time. Even worse, we feel broken because
London isn’t even aware that it is Christmas. We can only wonder if he
will ever appreciate a present or how many years will pass before he
does.”
‘Vigorous’ prosecution
London’s killing has sparked strong emotions, particularly from
parents of disabled children and those who have autism. Many want the
focus to remain on London, not his mother. Some are tweeting at
#justiceforlondon.
“His name was London McCabe and he deserved better than to be murdered by (being) thrown off a bridge,” Sharon McDaid tweeted.
“Killing your child is not a
breakdown, it’s murder, many parents have breakdowns & never resort
to murder,” Kimberly Faith posted.
A nonprofit national group whose members have autism, the Autistic
Self Advocacy Network, urged “vigorous prosecution” in McCabe’s case,
according to a statement. “London, and not his mother, is the victim of a
terrible crime,” the statement read.
President Ari Ne’eman told CNN that all too often the killing of
children with disabilities is blamed on stress that caregivers are
experiencing. Media and others should be careful, he said, about framing
disabled children as a burden.
Doing that can inspire copycat killings, Ne’eman said, noting that
the organization has several members who have been abused by their
caregivers. The organization stages a Day of Mourning in the spring
during which names of disabled people killed by caregivers are read
aloud.
London’s name will be added to the list, said Ne’eman. “We need to
see images of London smiling, having fun,” he said. “We need to look at
this case, first and foremost, as the murder of a 6-year-old boy.”
Anna Bullard, a Georgia mother of an adopted daughter with autism,
who advocates in state government for more services for parents like
her, says she has trouble feeling sympathy for Jillian McCabe.
Her daughter is 10.
“When she was diagnosed, doctors told me she had no skills whatever,”
said Bullard. “I could imagine nothing except spending my life trying
to get her what she deserves.
“We all have points in our life where we have to ask for help and
that’s just what you have to do,” she said. “I don’t know if that’s the
case here. No one knows. But you find a way. You find a way.”
